Posts

Showing posts from August, 2013

Am I recyclable?

Image
(a hometown classic column)How I wish I could take my aging, tired body and put it in a blue recyclable street box and wait for the giant waste truck to come by and pick me up only later to drop me off reprocessed and revitalized. 
Can they just melt my parts down and fashion another new shiny one out of the mix?

Or would they turn me into a seat cushion?
I refuse to go the route of Hollywood Celebs with thick pocketbooks and thicker self absorption who recycle their faces at the local plastic surgeon. Most stars come out of the plastic machine looking wide eyed, swollen and ….scary.

Yes, plastic is recyclable but do we really want reused syrup bottles in our cheek bones?
Hair is a good recyclable part of our body. Women will grow their hair long and donate the locks to charities where cancer patients can have wigs fashioned from the reused material. That is a worthy cause. However, if I donated my never-had-a- good-hair day mop to someone they would hunt me down and slap me.


Or is bad …

Ain't No Cure for the Summertime blues

Image
It is the lazy hot days of summer...
..... where you take a deep breath of fresh air but the humidity is so high you feel like you are sucking in bits of air and a whole lot of steam. It is the longest daylight hours but it’s too hot to go outside. Its children who seem to multiply as the day goes on and on. 
 It’s the summertime blues and according to Eddie Cochran, there ain’t no cure.
The summer blues reminds me of the old-fashioned hillbilly scene on the comedy show, Hee Haw where the actors are all lounging around on country porches, fanning themselves along with the laziest hound you ever saw and the scene is accompanied by the lethargic harmonica tune which always announces the skit.




I sometimes hear that music in my head on a dusty, lazy summer day.
As summer comes to an end, anxious children have just realized their summer fun is whittling down as ads of back to school begin to remind them that in a few short days they will have to hit the books once again instead of the pool. 

F…

WHO DAT AGONY

Image
More corruption, More scandal for the Who Dat nation: don’t worry, a New Orleans Saint’s fan can survive.

Will the NFL commissioner throw the book at Drew Brees? Will more disgrace rock the black and gold? Can the Who Dat Nation catch a break?

Again, will we be the ESPN’s running debate for another football season?
So what if A-rod may get suspended from baseball? So what Lance Armstrong cheated with steroids.  So what if Tiger Woods slept around while married? So what if the Patriot’s Hernandez allegedly killed some folks?
So what? Drew Brees tipped $3 on a $74 dollar TAKE OUT order in California!

Yes, you heard it…the latest scandal de jeur for my Saints team has NFL fans across the nation gasping in shock! Breesus has sinned.

Judgment, condemnation, and agony on me!

Will the NFL suspend Brees from leading the New Orleans Saints as star quarterback this year? Will the NyQuil folks fire our Who Dat hero from their commercials?

Will the One Direction pop dude’s ‘one-up’ Drew in their Pepsi ad…