Friday, January 8, 2016

My Brother's Journey with Depression

This is my brother's words, its his fight against depression.

by Joe Weems


Why do many of us like the underdog??

In many cases the underdog is filled with a sense of hope and anticipation of future success and victory. This victory will only come with a consistent undeniable dedication to one"s best effort.

It's rarely seen these days........ Perhaps that's the reason we are so fascinated with the story??!! Either way......the draw to these individuals/teams are real and bring much inspiration in a world that truly needs inspiring. What inspires you? What gets under your tough leathery layers to the part of you that can still be molded and shaped into something better...... More positive!!!

Dealing with ever worsening depression for nearly two decades I have held on to any inspiration I could find....... I was desperate at times. Many individuals would be surprised at the places and moments I found these much needed boosts. This statement sounds so "matter of fact" but I want to stress how important these uplifting moments were. In some cases...... Life saving!!

Life is truly meant to be lived..... Every moment ! The thing about depression and the medication that treats it is that it robs you of the feelings/emotions a person is supposed to experience to grow as a healthy positive person. It is a cruel mental disorder that in its very essence causes confusion..... Hopelessness ........ Desperation and chaos in every aspect of ones life.

Have you ever been starving? You sit down to what many would consider a fantastic meal...... (Steak......crawfish......whatever your favorite) and about two bites into the dinner you simply decide it isn't what you want and at best force the food down or worse you stop and walk away. That is depression! You have what many people would consider the best in front of you and after about two bites it doesn't seem very satisfying. I'm talking your children..... The love of your life......all your favorite things just don't do it for you!! It's a very dark .....lonely and hopeless internal prison and you are serving a life sentence.

They aren't looking for sympathy....... No depressed person is. They aren't feeling sorry for themselves as many people foolishly diagnosed. It is simple for the truly depressed person. Give them one moment ! A moment in which they can feel peace and have a reason to push forward! A moment to feel...... Feel something besides hopelessness........because hopelessness is not an emotion but simply the lack there of!

They want to die! They want an out...... After years of fighting their resistance is beat down and they no longer have the mental muscle to offer up a fight. Surrender seems the best decision. A truly depressed person isn't selfish....they are sick and NO amount of logic you offer is going to mend the situation. They need help! It's a long road for depressed individuals.

For myself, I always seemed like I had it together when I was out and about. I put on a good front and when I walked through the doors and secrecy of my own home the monsters were allowed to come out. Anger.....frustration.....pain .......loneliness. You get the picture.

It's easy to attempt to hide behind alcohol or other addictions. It's a favorite pastime for folks like us.......... We will take emotions any way we can get them even if they are false or chemically induced. The mind of a depressed individual perhaps is one of the most complicated misunderstood places on the face of the earth. Have patience with us!!!

I .......much like a cancer patient am in remission. I still feel effects everyday from this emotional cancer that lives inside of me. Even in remission this disorder causes a person to have scares they live with everyday. I am paranoid !!! I constantly look over my shoulder figuratively. I never can truly relax. Depression can come sudden and unannounced.

I say these things not because I feel like it but because I have to. It spills out if me. I feel great and I have control of my life right now but for how long. We shall see. Right now I am more concerned with those still in the hole. If you truly suffer from this disease, you know where and what the hole is. I hurt for you. I want to help and be an inspiration for YOU the underdog.

To the depressed: you are a beautiful and special people. There are no others on the face of the earth like you. Do your best..... Seek help to the best of your ability and hold on. If you can withstand the long storm you will eventually feel again. You will love and feel loved. Things will get better. I love you all and I am here for any of you. I will listen or sit in silence with you. I will and do understand. I want to be your inspiration.

If you want to root for the underdog...... Learn about depression. Offer yourself to those who so desperately need a reason. Something or someone to hold on to. Give them a reason to make it one more hour!