The Sky Is Falling!

I Am Too Old for Another Historical Event

By Tracy Williams | My Hometown Column

The world is falling apart, and I feel the urge to go to Walmart.

My algorithms are all doom and gloom! Civilization is hanging on by a thread. Meanwhile, I am wondering how anybody expects me to survive a national emergency without ice cream, toilet paper, and a decent cup of coffee!

I don't know what the government's emergency preparedness plan is, but as for me, I'm going to keep baiting them bucks in the backyard with tortillas.

I have survived the '70s, Y2K, COVID, and the price of eggs!

I've been preparing for the end of the world for 30 years. At this point, I'm beginning to believe the world is just a drama queen.

But apparently, we're supposed to be preparing.

Prepare how, exactly?

I've got three flashlights, none of which have working batteries, a pantry full of expired soup, and a quarter tank of gas.

I'm not exactly pioneer material.

My ancestors crossed mountains, fought wars, survived the Depression, and grew their own food.

I get irritated when the internet goes out for eleven minutes.

And while the rest of the world is discussing geopolitical instability, I'm over here trying to decide whether I should buy more toilet paper.

Again.

My social media is filled with folks talking about survival kits, emergency supplies, and stockpiling food. Yet most folks I know can't go without Amazon Prime for three days!

As a former hurricane survivor—the storm, not the drink—I am used to having emergency supplies and a stocked pantry for the big storm. And when it hit, I didn't have even close to enough.

Now they're telling folks to stock up on canned goods for 30 days of whatever this next crisis might look like.

But here's a thought. Does anybody even own a manual can opener anymore?

Folks are going to die surrounded by food!

And then there are the end-times doomsayers saying it's close. The end. It's going to be soon.

And some of these guys have a lot of Jesus cred, so I am paying attention.

Back in my youth, we used to jump up and down practicing our rapture jump. We wanted to make sure we were ready for liftoff!

Even if Jesus is coming back, I am not giving in to a donut mountain! I might not lift off!

So, is it the end times or just another election year?

Meanwhile, the world is in crisis, and my biggest emergency is my password inventory. 

Governments are debating and warring, and ordinary Americans can't access their bank accounts! Not because of Chinese hackers, terrorist cyberattacks, or that scammer dude in India, but because they can't remember which childhood pet, they used for the security question!

And Lord knows, my mom will not be prepared for cyberwarfare. She gets locked out of her email on a weekly basis!

Sorry, Mom, but it's true.

But if this world crisis lasts longer than 30 days, I am done.

I watched The Walking Dead. I've seen the Road Warrior movies. I can raise a family, organize an office, support nearly 700 employees, and endure hurricanes and tornadoes.

But starting a fire with two sticks?

That's it!

I have no survival strategy. I give up. I don't wanna play.

So, sticking my head in the proverbial sand. I do think folks need to back away from the news cycle. It has permeated our thoughts and opinions to the point that if anyone disagrees with us, they become our enemy.

Little church ladies who praise the Lord on Sunday are bashing each other on Monday because their side of politics did such and such.

"I believe your candidate objectifies women!"

"Well, your president had happy endings in the Oval Office!"

And round and round we go.

No one has cornered the moral market in politics.

Maybe this election year is pushing some of the crazy talk, scaring us into voting for our side.

Or could it be that the artificial intelligence machine has started its evil plan to take over the world?

For an informed opinion, I asked my good friend ChatGPT. The answer:

"AI can also help create the very atmosphere of panic that makes people believe the world is ending. Algorithms amplify sensational content, and generative AI makes that content easier to manufacture."

Well, isn't that comforting?

We used to worry that artificial intelligence would take over the world. Now we're asking artificial intelligence whether we should be worried about artificial intelligence taking over the world.

And apparently, we're supposed to trust its answer.

I don't know whether AI is going to destroy civilization, but I do know we've reached the point where a computer can manufacture a world crisis before I've finished my morning coffee.

Perhaps we need fewer news alerts, less panic, and a little more common sense.

Every generation has faced uncertainty. Our grandparents survived with faith, family, humor, and common sense. And somehow, they managed to keep going without a smartphone telling them every five minutes that the sky was falling.

We can only push forward with those same things.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow.

And like my girl Rachel Purcell sings, I'll just "Keep Going."

Keeping my faith, my sense of humor, and an extra roll of toilet paper.