Oops! Excuse my accidental racism

 Happiness is an ugly husband?

According to the latest scientific study designed to ruin perfectly good marriages, women are happier with ugly husbands.

(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200804/why-handsome-men-make-bad-husbands-ii)

Well fine.

If misery means waking up beside Henry Cavill every morning, then I’ll suffer through it somehow. 

  But then, it’s hard to be considered the ugly one in a relationship.

 All this time, I thought a happy woman was married to a rich husband, who knew it had more to do with his face rather than his bank account.

 Since when did ugly become the key to emotional stability?

Rich I understand. Funny I understand. Handy around the house? Absolutely.

But ugly?

 What does ugly got to do with it! 

What if your husband is better looking than you are but you both are considered attractive? How does that figure in the happiness scale if neither are ugly?

I vaguely remember another study many years ago that stated ugly men made better lovers so could that have something to do with it? 

A country song mentioned that older women made good lovers but does Nancy Pelosi seem sexy to you? Or Helen Mirren?

What’s the study got to say about husbands who have trophy wives? They were right all along??

Psychologists who studied newlyweds found men who were better-looking than their wives were more likely to be unhappy and have negative feelings about their marriage.

Tracy says, “Men who are married to uglier wives could care less because they are probably in love with themselves anyway!”  A man who spends more time in the mirror than I do makes me nervous.

Give me accidentally sexy!

But let us examine the study….its not just about having an ugly husband, but one that is uglier than you…so if you are a ten on the beauty scale you can pick and chose just about anyone….but what if you are on the one or two end of the scale?

Slim pickens you might think. 

At least women dress it up a bit, make-up covers a multitude of ugly, clothes, plastic surgery -- draw the attention away from the face!

I have always said -- you can fix ugly.

Men do ugly differently.

Women accessorize ugly.
Men surrender to it.
Hair disappears. Bellies rise.
Somewhere along the way they start wearing dress socks with sneakers and lose the will to fight.

Should I tell my adult sons to look only for ugly girls? 

I tested this ugly-husband theory against Hollywood history.
    Marilyn Monroe married Joe DiMaggio. Didn’t work out.
    Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett. Didn’t work out.
    Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thornton and eventually had to laser him off her shoulder.
Science may be onto something.

Before you think that the ugly husbands study is junk there are a couple of examples of married famous couples that appear to have a successful union.

Isla Fisher – Sacha Baron Cohen

Felicity Huffman – William H. Macy

Melania Trump – Donald …...

First, I am not allowed to write about my husband unless I have his permission. I can’t figure why? What is he afraid of?

Second, if I say I am happily married, as a reader you must assume my husband is uglier than me.  I am ok with that, but what if he reads my column? No way to win.

Third, my friends have already told me what a handsome husband I have, so either I’m miserable or my friends are liars.

Fourth, if by chance I am better looking than my husband, then I am doomed because of a study that tells me my husband is unhappy.

Woe, is me.

If you know any psychologists, ask them if they are happily married and did they marry below their number?

As for me, I am not listening to all the absurd studies that keep coming out every day messing with my mind.

My personal study proves that studies are bad.

One good thing can happen. 

Ladies, if you are still single, don’t quickly dismiss Mr. Nerdy guy who is challenged in the looks department. He might make you the happiest girl in the world.

Looks do fade. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...you have an ugly kid, I promise you still love them.

If I listened to this study, then apparently Prince Charming was overrated. Cinderella was better off with the rats.

What we girls really need is Barney Fife with a steady job.

By the way, I think my husband is very handsome....woe is me.